Getting Lost…Again (An Embarrassing Part II)

As I stated before, I have no idea where anything in the grocery store is. But let me rephrase that a little better, because while it is completely true, there are some items that have permanently been marked into my brain, sans removal. For example, I know chips are in aisle ten. I know frosting is in aisle three. Ice cream topping is in aisle six, and all candy hangs out in aisle eight.

As you may have been able to tell, I’ve got a real nasty sweet tooth.

However, moving on. Occasionally there will be the “Lost Customer.” One who does not have a clue, unlike myself, where the most important items in the store are. Good thing they found me to direct them, right?

Here are two examples of conversations between myself and a lost customer that actually happen more often than you think.

Conversation 1:

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me where the lemon juice is?”

Me: “Absolutely I can. Let me go ask someone quick. DON’T MOVE.”

*-Tip- If you instill fear within them they can’t get mad that you don’t actually know where their coveted lemon juice is.*

Me: “It’s at the end of aisle two, top shelf, left hand side.”

Customer: “Thank you so much.”

Me: *Beams like a ray shooting down from the sun*

Conversation 2:

Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?” (my favorite question of all time)

Me: “Yes, yes I do.” (whilst filling jello)

Customer: “I’m looking for maple syrup, which aisle would that be in?”

Me: “Let me ask!”

-Sidenote- Everyone has since taken their lunch breaks, because I can hold down the fort for a few minutes anyways right? Wrong.

At this point I know it’s going to be bad because this gentleman will never find the maple syrup with my help. There is no way. But I cannot and will not return direction-less.

Me: “I’m pretty sure aisle five has the maple syrup, sir.”

Customer: “Thank you so much.”

And, cue run.

Not kidding. The thing is, that was just an educated guess. Maybe not even educated for that matter, because the truth is, unless I walk up and down all ten aisles while MSC (maple syrup customer) remains in the middle of the store watching me, I’m not going to give this man the right directions.

Thus, I usually hide for a good five minutes and avoid eye contact with anyone until I know the coast is clear and he cannot get mad at me for not knowing anything.

I’m the worst, I know.

And for your information I did recently learn that the maple syrup is in aisle six, right next to the ice cream topping, because apparently that was a good idea.


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